GOD

God is larger than your religion.

HALF & HALF

I'm an optimistic pessimist. I'm just glad how bad things are now because I know how bad things can get.

JUNGLE ROT

I've never been to the jungle or a tropical rain forest but I have jungle rot.
I worked at a live tropical fish wholeseller. In the middle of winter in a midwestern city I got jungle rot from some infected fish from the Amazon River. I remember driving down the road to dilever the fish to the pet stores as the snow began to fall. I just lost it. I began to scream something about it wasn't fair because I got the disease without ever seeing the damn rain forest.
Oh well, I'm a cleaner person in the summer when I take alot more showers to keep it from coming back.

CONCRETE SURFER

I was a concrete surfer. I rode the electric whine of a glorified pallet jack that had forks three pallets long. When I was a concrete surfer I went to a party and was surounded by intellectuals that began to tell what they did for a living. Each took their turn telling they were College Professors, Bankers, Fine Artists, Doctors and Professionals of every kind. My turn came and I told them I surfed the concrete. Shocked silents fell over the party. I told everyone not to worry it wasn't contagious, that got a big laugh. Yes I was a forklift driver and proud of it.

DAMNATION DONUTS

I worked at a donut shop years ago and bribed hundreds of cops with free donuts.
Only one cop didn't take the donut bribe. Honest policemen are real. If I was a cop I would have taken the donut bribe.

THE END OF THE BEGINNING

This is a blog of half truths, over the top lies and bold face truths.